Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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