DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
someone owes me an orgasm
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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