LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Are my feet made of real feet?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
