I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
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so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
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It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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