Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
