so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Text me some of your sweat
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
