i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
