I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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