Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
