smell my finger.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
