Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
