I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
