I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
