Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I need water and some morals
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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