hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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