I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
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We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
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Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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