every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I am one with the molecules
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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