jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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