I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
