someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
