We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
