duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
