if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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