Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
