your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
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My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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