shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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