I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
