meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
