is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
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It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
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passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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