I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
