Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
