just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
