My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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