She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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