For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
