how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
