Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
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he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
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I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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