The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
