My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
