I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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