ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
