All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
