i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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