I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I will die if light touches me.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
