and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
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