He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
