Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
