i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
