quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
