just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
