I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
PS: I just woke up from my shower
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
