Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
