you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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