I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
