She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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