I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
