i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
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I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
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tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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