I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
