You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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