I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
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Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
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im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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