whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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