so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
