Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
