he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
