Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
