someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
