I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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