I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
