I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
