His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
even my farts smell like vagina
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize