please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
