Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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